Madam I'm Adam

Hold onto your Hats (and Cappuccino!) at Disciples of Epicurus (aka Madam I'm Adam?) Disciples of Epicurus, tucked away in Melbourne's Equitable Place, is a caffeine haven with a side of cyclonic winds. Seriously, this place serves up a mean Cappuccino, but be prepared to wrestle with your umbrella while doing so. Think Mary Poppins meets a wind tunnel, with a dash of "will my croissant make a break for it?" thrown in for good measure. You might be a little confused though, because while the cafe actually goes by the name Disciples of Epicurus, for some reason Google seems to think it's still called "Madam I'm Adam" - the name of the company who supply the coffee and, well, own the place. Maybe they're just indecisive? Or perhaps it's a clever ploy to weed out those who aren't truly committed to their caffeine fix. Now, about that coffee (supplied by the aforementioned Madam I'm Adam, in case you'd forgotten). Forget your lukewarm, dishwater-esque excuses for coffee. These guys brew the kind of magic that'll kickstart your day and have you composing sonnets in your head before you even reach the office. It's strong enough to raise the dead, but smooth enough to make you want to join their cult (of coffee lovers, that is). Whether you're a latte aficionado, a flat white fanatic, or an espresso enthusiast, Disciples of Epicurus will cater to your every caffeine whim. But the delights don't stop there, oh no! Disciples of Epicurus also boasts a food selection that's as impressive as a peacock in mating season. Think gourmet lunches piled high with deliciousness, vibrant salads that are practically glowing with health, and pastries so tempting they could make a saint cheat on their diet. Imagine flaky croissants that shatter into a thousand buttery shards with every bite, muffins bursting with juicy berries, and decadent toast that is practically begging to be Instagrammed. Whether you're a ravenous carnivore, a dedicated vegan, or somewhere in between, you'll find something to satisfy your cravings. And let's not forget the staff! The staff at Disciples of Epicurus are the human equivalent of a golden retriever puppy – all smiles, enthusiasm, and the uncanny ability to remember your usual order after just one visit (even if you can't remember what you had for breakfast). They're so friendly, you half expect them to offer you a foot massage with your flat white. They navigate the crowds with the grace of seasoned professionals, all while maintaining a cheerful demeanor that could melt even the grumpiest morning person's heart. The only downside? That darn wind tunnel situation. Equitable Place seems to have a microclimate that channels all the wind gusts in Melbourne into one concentrated blast, aimed directly at unsuspecting cafe patrons. One minute you're delicately nibbling your croissant, the next you're battling a rogue napkin that's attempting to take flight to Sydney, while simultaneously trying to prevent your hair from achieving a Medusa-like state. Pro-tip: Arrive with your hair in a tight bun, wear clothes you don't mind losing to a sudden gust, and consider bringing a small child to use as a windbreak. Despite the atmospheric challenges, Disciples of Epicurus (or Madam I'm Adam, if you're Google) is well worth braving the elements. Just remember to hold onto your hat, your coffee, and your dignity. You'll be rewarded with a caffeine hit and a culinary experience that'll have you buzzing (and possibly windswept) for the rest of the day.

Very friendly, food was excellent. I really liked the coffee. Laid back atmosphere, also not noisy.

Glad to find a cafe that does a chicken wrap with a decent amount of chicken and veggies. Place seemed to have a bunch of gluten free, low card, fresh, healthy options!

Delicious breakfast! Very tasty and reasonably priced. Coffee was pretty good (dirty chai left something to be desired). Staff was friendly but not overly excited to be there. I would definitely stop in if you're craving some great toppings on well toasted bread but would scoot on if you're only seeking coffee. Would go back, but not for chai.

Been getting iced latte here in the past month and couldn’t be happier with the service and the food! The coffee is great and their apple crumble is *chef kisses* Kudos to Lucy she’s a rockstar

Great cafe with lots of menu options and food at the counter. Staff were lovely and very friendly. Gave me a pot of hot water and milk for my tea (I BYO’d my tea bag) with no trouble at all which was lovely. Poached eggs and feta were really nice.